Time

I thought happiness can be gained when you had everything you have always wanted, money, fame, family, friends and love. But for me it does not apply for I get all those things but still I don’t find happiness itself. Until one truth struck me and I realized I have nothing to prove that I have happiness in my life.

My name is Claire, I am 50 now and I have been married for twenty five years. I gave birth to a pair of beautiful twins, Jack and Jade, twenty three years ago. They grow up to be obedient and smart children and I love them very much. I was married to a rich and famous businessman named Jerremy ten years ago and I was really happy because by marrying him I got all the money, family and love I have always wanted in my life. I was born in a poor family and I had worked hard since I entered the university in hope of creating a better life for my family.

The first year of my marriage was happy and we went to The Bay Bali for honeymoon. It was a beautiful place with beach view on every place we sit. Oceanfront view, that’s what they said about it on promotion. We poured out our passion and love on the beach, watching sunset reflected on the glimmering water of the sea and we promised to love each other till our last breath. We could sit there for hours and talked non stop, watching the activity on the beach, kids running, couples kissing and laughing. We turned at our back and watched people having dinner below the shade of beautiful beach umbrella and an old couple caught our eyes. They seemed to be in their fifties but what they did, felt like they were in their first honeymoon and we were really amazed with the view before our eyes.

We then decided to chat with that couple why they could maintain a still romantic relationship in their marriage. The answer was simple, TIME. We did not really understand what they said and asked them to explain it further. They just smiled and said ,”Time will tell.”

Jerremy and I both loved Asian cuisine and oceanfront view so we had dinner in Hong Xing Club & Resto. During the dinner, we admired the ocean that laid upon our eyes and we talked about life, about what we would do in the future. At the end of our dinner, he reached my hand, kissed the wedding ring in my hand and whispered ,” I  love you so much, my queen.” And that really made my night and made me wore a smile every time I looked at him. That time I thought I found my happiness. I had everything any human in this world would always want.

After the honeymoon reached its end, we went back to our own activities and routine. Soon our life became busy and we rarely talk. Sometimes I accompanied Jerremy to business parties and I met a lot of new friends, mostly Jerremy’s business partners and soon to be business partners and their wives or girlfriends. Somehow betweeen those busy routines and activities, I missed my old free life, I missed my family and my old friends. But because of my responsibilty in the house became heavier since the twins came along, I did not have time to meet them, even only called them to say hi.

After the presence of the twins, Jerremy became busier and rarely stayed home and I became more tired. Both of us rarely saw each other and only met whenever the kids had holidays and we would go together for picnic or travelling to fill the holidays. Most of our attention, we poured it for the twins and that made us drifted to different world we had never been before.

I developed a habit of sitting and thinking about things whenever I had time to, besides those daily activities and routines I had to deal with. One day, I had a strong will to go to the beach that is out of town. Without second thought, I grabbed my purse and filled it with money and house keys. I decided not to bring my phone because I needed time alone. I passed a note to my caretaker to give to the twins and Jerremy in case they were looking for me. I drove out of town to the beach. Standing in front of the sea made the flashback of our happy marriage popped out of nowhere. Our honeymoon at The Bay Bali, the beautiful glimmering sunset, people everywhere, and an old couple acted like they were in their first honeymoon. The thought of the old couple made we wonder if I would ever be like them. Then without any warning, I just cried. I did not want to cry but the tears kept rolling down my cheeks and deep down inside, I knew my marriage was in a mess. We never fought, never screamed at each other, because we never talked anymore. The house, the big house was really an empty house with no soul inside. I realized, despite of materialistic things and fame, I felt empty inside. The emptiness almost ate me from inside out and I did not even realized it until I got to this beach. I missed those moments when Jerremy and I still talked to each other, held hands, passionately kissing, full of love and passion between us.

Suddenly someone hugged me from behind and I was really surprised. I turned around to find Jerremy’s face in front of me. I hugged him and cried even louder. I did not know I missed him until now, his smell, his lips, his body, his breath, everything about him. I asked him how did he know that I was on the beach here, he said that it was only a hunch, because both of us loved beach. We sat on the beach for a very long time until we decided to take a week off to go to The Bay Bali for holiday with the twins.

But the plan was cancelled because Jerremy had an important project coming up and it took him three years to make the planned holiday into reality. In those three years, the emptiness filled the house again. Jerremy was busy with his project and I was busy with the house and the twins. We were both exhausted and we went to bed without anything to say. Honestly, there were a lot of things to tell but we were too tired to do it all and every time we talked, there was a tinge of awkwardness filled the conversation. Our marriage was on the verge of destruction because awkwardness had filled our every conversation. We could not talk normally anymore and it really killed me from inside. When the twins went to the university on the other state, the emptiness in the house grew thicker and both of us no longer bear to live inside so we busied ourselves outside of the house. Then, one day I just disappeared, without any note, without any trace and I told no one. I went to the Bay Bali by myself. I enjoyed the view, the people and the food. But the emptiness was still inside and I could not fill it. I was walking on the beach while admiring the beautiful sunset that reflected on the glimmering water of the sea when I realized someone had stand in front of me. It was Jerremy. Again I was amazed on how he knew I was here. I did not tell anyone, even my family, but he managed to know somehow. We just stared at each other and walked out of the beach without even talking or holding hands. He reserved us a dinner in our favorite place, Hong Xing.

Before sitting on our table, I saw an old man and tried to remember where and when I met him before. He was sitting alone but his table had two portion of dinner. Luckily, I sat at the part of the table which eased me to look at the old man. He did not seem to wait for anybody and while eating, he talked by himself as if someone was sitting in front of him and having dinner with him but in fact there was no one. I remembered he was the old man I saw and talked to on my first honeymoon here. But where was his wife? The question whirled around me until the end of the dinner and I walked to the table where the old man sat, took a chair and sat beside him. Jerremy, out of curiosity also sat beside him, in front of me to be exact.

“Sir , I think you won’t remember me, but we talked years ago and I am curious about what happened.”

“You mean where is my wife?” the old man asked.

I nodded and he started telling his story.

“My wife was an amazing woman. Unfortunately she had Alzheimer and she forgot things very fast. Everyday was a tough day for me because she always forgot that we had already got married for years. But I don’t know why, I just fell in love with her over and over again. I was never tired of reminding her every morning with a small little text that I loved her so much. Until she left me last year. But she is never gone. She will always be here,” he pointed to his heart.

“You must be very sad losing someone that you have loved for life.”

The old man shook his head ,” No, I am not. In fact, I am as happy as when she was alive.”

I looked at him, confused. He saw my confusion and continued talking.

“Because I have spent my life and my time with her. I have never missed our anniversary, her birthday, our children’s birthday or any occasion. I try to be with her whenever I have time. That makes it even special. I am happy even though she has gone because I have spent beautiful moments with her and I don’t regret it at all.” he smiled and went away, leaving me and Jerremy staring at each other.

Now I understand what they meant by TIME at that time. We have spent our whole life looking for that one happiness but often we also do not realize happiness is right in front of us but they are not in the form of money or fame. They are in the form of our loved ones. The happiness come when we least expect it, when we spend precious time with the one we loved without any regret even if someday they were gone. Happiness is left in the form of memories. Happy, fruitful memories with those we loved and they cannot be exchanged with money and fame.

We often think that money can buy us happiness. With money, I can do anything, buy anything I want, and with fame I can have a lot of friends and people adore me. When all of those were gone, there were nothing left but emptiness and sorrow because we never filled it with memories of precious times with those we loved.

Blog post ini dibuat dalam rangka mengikuti Proyek Menulis Letters of Happiness: Share your happiness with The Bay Bali & Get discovered!